The other day I was talking to a chairman of a corporation whom  I've known for years, and he told me that he will not attend  functions anymore of the organization he headed for nearly 30 years, because lately he was disrespected. He told me that the seat to which he had been assigned was an insult.

I have always said that seating arrangements are more important than one might think, and can make enemies for life or the deal of the century.

It is very difficult to observe the proper protocols. For example, the diplomatic seating protocol differs from the one the United Nations or companies are using. Everybody knows how difficult it is to seat your guests properly at a wedding. Here you know everybody, you take into consideration who is not talking to whom and whether it is better to separate the two who recently had a fight. However, what about a formal function? As disastrous as it might be for your new marriage to seat Aunt Martha next her ex-mother-in-law, it can be just as perilous to your business to seat bitter rivals near each other.

I remember a seating I did for the United Nations. I applied all the proper rules. For example, each year, the UN picks a new beginning of the alphabet according to the English version of the country names. This is to avoid that countries beginning with “A” (like Afghanistan) would always enjoy the good seats. Sounds easy? Not necessarily. For example, the United States of America would be under “U”, Ivory Coast would be under “I” and not under “Cote d’Ivoire”. If you have guests that are used to this arrangement,  you should take care not to slight them if your venue will be arranged differently.

Of course there is also the rule regarding Permanent and Deputy Permanent Representative and so on. This can pose another hidden landmine. In one event I organized, one of the Deputy Permanent Representatives was an almost holy figure. He had been with the UN forever and was only a Deputy in name,  as there was no Permanent Representative. There I stood with my placement arranged, when the gentleman came in and studied it carefully. He turned to me and said with a smile, “According to the protocol, this is correct.” The way he said it, I knew I had made a big mistake.  After speaking with my Ambassador, we rearranged the seating and moved him up to Permanent status.

When everybody sat down and I led him to his chair, he gave me an honest smile and kissed my hand! I had made a friend for life!

I always remember this dinner as it taught me a valuable lesson. 

Seating charts you download from the Internet are one thing, but how to use them is quite different. Following these hidden and often confusing rules of protocol and etiquette, can make the difference between a wonderfully successful event- where new friendships and business alliances are forged, or grudges and wounded egos are seeded which will effect your success for years in the future.

                                          Let me help you to make your next event a success!